Giving Up (Just a Little)

I gave up this week. I sort of cooked dinner once, when usually I cook every night. I did laundry once, but I haven’t folded it yet. I didn’t vacuum. I mostly just sat here, in front of the computer, and pinned things on Pinterest. It was not a fun week, for the most part.

I gave up because I was in pain the entire week. The. Entire. Week. My lower back is super messed up (my entire spine decided that being relatively straight was for losers), and it affects my pelvis and hips sometimes. My bones felt like they were on fire, and my muscles were sore from trying to compensate. Everything hurt (and still hurts). Leaving the house took so much energy that I had to psych myself up for it. Ibuprofen wasn’t doing anything. The heating pad just made me feel sick.

This happens every month and a half or so. My back always hurts, but this week was particularly awful. I’m so tired of being in pain.

So it’s okay to give up a little from time to time. I know that my back will always be a source of pain for me; I have scoliosis in a pretty bad way. When it feels like this, I want to have someone bring me fried foods and set me up with a blankie, a cat, and a movie. I couldn’t always do that, and I won’t always be able to do that, but I appreciate the hell out of the fact that I can do that right now if I so choose. I’m in the convenient/inconvenient position of having nothing to do, and it’s exactly what I want.

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