This article from New York magazine is fascinating. I’m not at the point of several people they mention in the article (a man with a gigantic leg tumor; a woman who walked on a broken ankle for years), but I will be there soon if I don’t get health coverage somehow.

Or not.

Take a look at this lovely article from Forbes. Yeah, I have a master’s in Library and Information Studies, and one of the top business magazines in the world just called it the “the worst degree for jobs.” Splendid. On the other hand, I feel a little validated. Maybe this is why I haven’t found a job yet; maybe it isn’t that I’m a terrible person or that I smell or something. (Sometimes both of those things are true.)

Either way, what a great article to start the week.

HAPPY MONDAY, ME!!

I’m tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally, other ways that I can’t think of right now because of the tiredness. My unemployment has been very cyclical: for a few weeks, I’m totally fine, feeling positive, keeping my chin up, you know, all those terms I despise. Then for a few weeks, I’m really depressed and emotionally crappy.

I’m pretty sure everyone who is unemployed goes through a personality crisis. You completely reevaluate yourself, because something *has* to be wrong with you; that’s the only reason you don’t have a job, right? Ugh. I’ve been examining my personality, and I don’t really like what I’m finding. I’m kind of a jerk. I have anger issues, I expect too much from everyone, and I demand perfection from myself in an unreasonable way. I get frustrated because I feel like I’m not articulate anymore, and that makes me angry and then I get sad. I’m SO fun right now.

The biggest thing for me is that it’s really difficult for me to change my actions in the heat of the moment. I make a concerted effort to focus on making changes in my actions, and then I get mad. And… then everything becomes a blur and I have no control over my big mouth. Then I make more promises to change, which is all fine and good until I get mad again.

So basically I want to punch myself in the face.

I’m not usually very self-reflective, so this kind of hurts. I want to think that I’m awesome! But a lot of the time I am terrible and mean and should be given a time-out. I know that this is a fundamental part of my personality, too: I actually made one of my best friends cry at my fifth birthday party, and I did not care. At the same time, I hate when people are mad at me. COMPLICATED, I AM.

Self-reflection should lead to self-improvement, which is my next big project during this phase in my life. Operation Awesome, engage!

I’m honestly sitting here trying to work out the logistics for a free dental clinic at the end of this month. I need to be there at 5:30am, but Mr. Something needs to use his car to get to his internship, and my car is broken, so I might have to take a bus so I can go get free dental care at a sports arena.

That makes me sad.

I hope I can get seen at this clinic; I’m developing some lovely cavities on my front teeth that are making me self-conscious about smiling. Plus, one of my incisors is mostly just bonding, since I broke it when I was in 8th grade, and I don’t want to have to get that redone. A few more months, though, and I can say goodbye to my nice smile and relatively okay-looking teeth. I brush, I floss, but it helps to actually go to the dentist. The last time I went was five years ago, when I worked at a coffee shop and had dental insurance. No cavities then, but times have changed.

The news of this dental clinic made me tear up with happiness this morning, even though I feel a little pathetic about the situation. Could this really mean that I get my cavities fixed? For free? I am overjoyed to sit in that plastic-covered chair and say, “Ahh,” despite my lifelong fear of dentists. I’m at the desperation point where I welcome the things I once feared.

Bring it, dental health care professionals. I have some interesting teeth for you to drill.

UPDATE: My friend offered to carpool with me. :) Sometimes things work out, I guess.