Finally Mrs. Something (and Tomato Cream Cheese Toast)

Changing your name when you get married is a personal choice, and one I always knew I was going to make. My maiden name is long and hyphenated. Yep, I’m one of those ’80s kids whose name was hyphenated since birth. I’ve never liked it, and personally, I don’t think it’s a great idea to hyphenate your kids’ names. It creates confusion with schools, doctors, the USPS, the DMV, etc., and it always made me feel disconnected from my family. We weren’t the “OneName” Family; we were the “Mom’s Name,” “Dad’s Name,” and “My Name” family. I could never get one of those signs for above the fireplace that said “The OneNames.” (I always wanted one of those signs.) People would ask, “Which name do you use?” and “When did your parents get divorced?” and (when I got older) “How long have you been married?” (In order: “It’s hyphenated, so it’s technically one name, and it’s hyphenated on my birth certificate.” [Some people would respond, “I’ll just call you ‘Amanda “Mom’s Name.”‘ “Piss off.”] “They’ve been married since the early ’80s.” “You think I would do this to myself?”)

I knew from a young age that when I got married, I would change my name. I feel great about my decision, and I’ve gotten to the point where seeing my maiden name on junk mail is weird.

The process of changing one’s name isn’t that complicated; it’s just really annoying. You have to get a copy of your marriage license, go to the Social Security office (which I swear is in an alternate dimension where old people go to drink free crappy coffee and watch daytime TV), wait for your new card to come, go to the DMV to get your new license, and then go to the bank to change your name on your accounts. Additionally, you have to change your name on subscriptions, email, etc. I was pretty excited to tell Playboy about my name change, mostly because I’m a strange person.

I finally got my new debit cards from the bank, which marks the last official thing I needed to change to be Mrs. Something. Once we have a fireplace (and a house) later this year, I think I’ll get one of those signs I always coveted: “The Somethings, est. 2014.”


This isn’t really a recipe, but it’s a delicious thing that I’ve been eating for breakfast lately. I can’t get a good bagel here to save my life, so I’ve given up on sad bagels and moved on to toast with tomato and cream cheese.

Tomato Cream Cheese Toast

  • whole wheat bread
  • cream cheese (go on, use full-fat; it’s so yummy)
  • thinly sliced Roma tomatoes (I use about 1 tomato for two slices of bread)
  • salt & pepper

Toast the bread until it’s pretty brown, then spread with cream cheese. Slap those tomatoes on there in an even layer, and sprinkle with salt and lots of pepper. Chomp. It’s weirdly good and wonderfully simple.


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